Is Your Child Ready To Be Home Alone? - Niki Smidt

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There will be a time when you hear the words you may not quite be ready for. “May I stay home by myself?” Parents often have mixed feelings about leaving their children home alone. The internal questions start: “Is my child old enough to stay home alone?” “Is it the right time?” Leaving your child at home for an hour after school, or for longer periods of time, is a decision that takes a lot of consideration. You will want to know if there are regulations in your area regarding when a child can stay at home without adult supervision. To learn more about regulations in your area, visit Latchkey-kids.com.
As with any developmental event, it’s important to remember that every child develops and matures at a different rate. Below, you will find items of consideration adapted from Leaving Your Child Home Alone from the Child Welfare Information Gateway. When you are reviewing these considerations, think about how the information relates to your child.

Age and Maturity

•Is your child physically and mentally able to care for him- or herself?
•Does your child obey rules and make good decisions?
•Does your child feel comfortable or fearful about being left alone?
Circumstances

When and how long or how often you choose to leave your child home may determine how well he/she does with the task.

•How long will you leave your child home?
•What time of day will your child be left home alone?
•How often will he/she be expected to care for him- or herself?
•Will your child have to be responsible for any siblings while left home?
•Is your home safe and free of hazards?
•How safe is your neighborhood?
Safety Skills

Setting expectations regarding specific safety skills needed for your child to stay home alone is a must. Your child should know what to do in an emergency and who to contact. Safety courses are available from community organizations.

•Does your family have a safety plan and can your child follow it?
•Does your child know his/her full name, address and phone number?
•Does your child know where you are and how to contact you?
•Does your child know names and contact information for other adults he/she can trust in the event of an emergency?
If you are comfortable with your responses above and feel that your child is ready to stay home alone, try the following:

Have a trial period. Let your child stay home, while you are in the neighborhood. This will give you an idea of how ready your child really is.

Role play. To help your child learn what your expectations are, have a little fun. Act out various scenarios and quiz your child on how he/she should handle each one.

Establish rules. It is important that your child knows, and follows, the rules you put in place for times when you are not at home. You may even want to make a list of chores or tasks for your child to tackle while you’re out.

Check in. While you are out, call your child to see how things are going. If there’s a neighbor or friend you trust, ask them to check in if you’re not able to.

Talk about it. Encourage your child to share his or her feelings with you.

Don’t overdo it. Don’t use this option as the go-to option for your child. Look for other options in your community such as after school programs, community centers, youth organizations, or churches. These programs often offer activities that will keep your child busy and involved in something fun.

Additional resources suggested by Child Welfare Information Gateway include:

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Home Alone Children
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/home_alone_children

Childhelp
www.childhelp.org

KidsHealth
Leaving Your Child Home Alone
http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/home/home_alone.html

National Network for Child Care
Home Alone
http://www.nncc.org/SACC/sac31_home.alone.html

Prevent Child Abuse America
“Home Alone” Child Tips
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/publications/parents/downloads/home_alone.pdf


Additional Resources

Latchkey-kids
http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

American Red Cross
http://www.redcross.org/en/takeaclass

Why Is My Child Being Bullied?

It is extremely stressful to find that your child is being bullied. Our role as a parent is to protect, nourish and ultimately to release our children as young adults into society where they make a positive impact. Bullying has no part to play in this scenario.

Your child may have been singled out by a bully for a number of reasons, few of which are within her or his control. Often it's simply a matter of how your child reacts to uncertain situations.

Not every adult feels comfortable in all social settings. While you may enjoy a tail-gate party, you may be uncomfortable at the Governor General's New Year's soiree, or visa-versa. As an adult you can make it through the evening by masking your feelings or choosing not to react to certain conversations. Not so for children. For many, the hours spent at school represent their entire social experience and they must repeat it day after day. Not only must they attend school, they haven't had time to fully develop their social intelligence. In Dr. Daniel Goleman's book, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, social intelligence is described as "...the ability to sense another's inner state in a complicated social situation, then to effectively interact at the non verbal level to shape an outcome, all the while caring for the other's needs."

No small task — even for an adult.

This skill involves interpreting appropriate eye contact and body posture. For a child it's easy to misinterpret complex signals and assume they are threats. If the child reacts with fear and avoidance, he or she appears to be an "easy target."

Add to that the child with:

a disability — either physical, emotional or intellectual
a child from a different race, or religion
the geek, or the brainy child
the sensitive child that reacts or cries "on cue"
someone who dresses differently, or has been taught to be submissive during a confrontation
the child who is over-weight, or wears glasses
and you have the perfect target for a bully. In some way, the target is different from the multitude of others who surround them. That still doesn't excuse the fact that they are selected for abuse.

While a child may be a target, he or she don't necessarily have to become a victim. Again, this is something that is easier to understand from an adult perspective.

The word "victim" implies that the act against the target has succeeded. If the child reacts in a way that satisfies the bully it reinforces the behavior and could doom the targeted child to repeated attacks.

We've seen the little dance play out many times. We may even have been involved in it. A bully selects his target and begins to prod and poke, searching for the hot-button. The child lashes back on cue, or bursts into tears. The bully realizes satisfaction from the encounter and is sure to repeat it. When the second, third and fourth event occurs he has a victim.

We all hope our child has mastered certain skills that help them to stand up for him or herself, such as the ability to understand and fend off teasing. But more often, a child who has drawn the attention of a bully attributes the outcome to a personal weakness. The bullying further destroys self-esteem and the cycle continues in a downward spiral.

The Fussy Baby

Fussy babies are frustrating, both for parents and their Pediatricians.
Is the baby sick? Is something really wrong?

The first step in figuring out why a baby is fussy is knowing whether this is a new problem or one that has been going on for awhile. A baby that has been fussy for several weeks or months might have colic, a formula intolerance, reflux, or because they have a difficult temperament.

It is more difficult when a baby that has usually been happy all of a sudden becomes fussy, crying, and inconsolable. Although these babies usually need to be seen by their Pediatrician, there are some things you can look for first.

Is he off his usual routine, with a late night or a missed nap? This often happens when you are traveling or you have visitors in your home.

Is he teething?

Does your baby have a fever? Has he had a runny nose or cough? If so, then he might have a simple ear infection.

Does he have sores or blisters in his mouth or on his hands and feet? These sores and blisters could be a sign of a viral infection, like Hand Foot and Mouth disease.

If he has some vomiting and diarrhea, then he might have a stomach virus, especially if other people around him have been sick. Persistent vomiting and a distended and tender abdomen might indicate a more severe infection or a blockage, so seek immediate medical attention if your baby has any of these other symptoms.

Does he have a rash? Insect bites, eczema, or skin irritation can cause an itchy rash that might make a baby fussy as they can't usually get relief from scratching the rash.

In an older, mobile infant, you might also look for signs that he may have fallen and injured himself. Is he moving all of his arms and legs normally? Are any areas of his arms or legs painful when touched or moved? Remember that some injuries in young children, like a Toddler's fracture, might not be red or swollen.

The child without other symptoms is even more confusing.

In this case, a careful examination of your undressed baby can help to find common things that can make a baby fussy.

The first thing to look at is your baby's fingers and toes (check your baby boy's penis too). Are any of them red or swollen? If so, then he may have a hair tourniquet, in which a hair or thread twists and wraps around the extremity and cuts off circulation. This is usually a medical emergency, so if your child's fingers or toes are red, tender and swollen, you should seek immediate medical attention.

An incarcerated hernia can be another cause of inconsolable crying. Check your baby's groin area. Is there an area that is swollen? If so, is it painful when touched? A swollen and painful and swollen bulge in your child's groin could be caused by a hernia that has become trapped. This is also a medical emergency and you should seek medical attention as soon as possible. A hernia that is not painful is not usually a medical emergency, but you should still see your doctor about it.

Another cause of crying in an otherwise healthy baby is a scratched eye. Is his eye red and watery? Does he have other scratches on his face? Although this will usually heal on its own in a few days, your doctor may prescribe antibiotic eye drops or an ointment to prevent the scratch from getting infected, so call your doctor if you suspect this. Fussiness and eye problems can also be caused by infantile glaucoma.

Food intolerances might also cause your child to become fussy. Have you introduced anything new into your baby's diet? If breastfeeding, have you changed your own diet recently?

Management of the Fussy Baby
So what do you do when your baby is fussy?

The first thing you should likely do is check your baby for a fever. Next, get him undressed and give him a good once over. Do you notice any of the problems described above?

If he appears normal, doesn't have a fever, is eating well, and you don't suspect any of the symptoms described above, you might just give him a pain reliever. If that relieves the fussiness, a visit with your Pediatrician the next day might be a good idea.

If he does have a fever and is inconsolable, or you do suspect an injury, hernia, hair tourniquet or any of the other problems described above, then you should call your Pediatrician or seek medical attention.

It can be frustrating taking care of a crying baby, so get help if you are having trouble coping with your infant's crying. Remember that you should never shake your baby, which can cause shaken baby syndrome. Get help if you think you might harm your baby.

Shaken Baby Syndrome

Never shake a baby!
It seems like common sense and something everyone should know, but rates of child abuse and shaken baby syndrome continue to increase.

Each year, 1,000,000 children in the United States are victims of child abuse and 3 children a day die from abuse or neglect.

According to reports, 'homicide is the leading cause of injury-related deaths in children younger than 5 yrs' and 'shaken baby syndrome may account for up to 25%' of these homicides.

Also, although likely under-reported, 3,000 children a year in the United States are thought to be victims of shaken baby syndrome.

Can these deaths be prevented?

Many people think that they can't, and that is likely why we don't hear more about shaken baby syndrome. After all, what kind of person would shake their baby? Can someone who would shake a baby be educated to not do it?

Some of these people are likely just abusive and won't be stopped until their abuse is recognized and they are caught, but others are just angry and frustrated that their baby won't stop crying and don't realize that they are harming their child. The harm to these children can likely be prevented with more education.

In fact, one program, the Upstate New York Shaken Baby Syndrome Education Program, reports a 'sustained and consistent 50% reduction in incidence' of shaken baby syndrome in the counties in which the program has been started. You can view the video, Portrait of Promise: Preventing Shaken Baby Syndrome, that is used in the program online.

According to George Lithco, who lost his eleven month old son after he was shaken by a day care provider, 'educating new parents about the danger of shaking, the need to cope with the inevitable moments of frustration, and ways that they can help protect their child from injury is the single most important way to protect babies - and children as old as 5 years of age - from shaking injuries.'

In addition to a crying baby, other stressors that might put a child at risk for shaken baby syndrome include financial problems and a recent separation.

Also, many children who are victims of shaken baby syndrome have had previous abuse. Recognizing and reporting this abuse can help to prevent it from escalating to the point where the child is seriously injured or dies.

What is Shaken Baby Syndrome?
According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, 'shaken baby syndrome is a severe form of head injury that occurs when a baby is shaken forcibly enough to cause the baby's brain to rebound (bounce) against his or her skull. This rebounding may cause bruising, swelling, and bleeding (intracerebral hemorrhage) of the brain, which may lead to permanent, severe brain damage or death. The condition is usually the result of non-accidental trauma or child abuse. Symptoms may include changes in behavior, irritability, lethargy, loss of consciousness, pale or bluish skin, vomiting, and convulsions. Although there usually are no outward physical signs of trauma, there may be broken, injured, or dislocated bones and injuries to the neck and spine.'

Preventing Shaken Baby Syndrome
Of course, the most important tip to prevent shaken baby syndrome is to never shake your baby or young child.

Having a baby that is continually crying for hours and hours can be very frustrating, especially for new moms and dads. If you feel that your baby is crying too much and you are not able to cope with it, get help immediately. Your pediatrician can be a good resource for you, but if you fell like you are going to harm your baby, call 911 and seek immediate help.

If you have a difficult or fussy baby, be sure to make all caregivers aware of this and make sure that they understand the dangers of shaking a baby and that they also know to never shake a baby or young child. In addition to the story of George Lithco mentioned above, there are many personal stories on the internet about parents who lost a child after they were shaken by a day care provider.

New fathers or a mother's boyfriend are also commonly responsible for shaking a baby. In one study in Canada, 50% of identified perpetrators of shaken baby syndrome were the child's biological father. Another 20% of episodes of shaken baby syndrome were caused by a stepfather or boyfriend and only 12% by the biological mother. Be sure that, just like you are raising awareness of shaken baby syndrome in your other caregivers, make sure to discuss the dangers of shaking a baby with dad or a boyfriend or any other friends or family members that are going to help care for your child.

In addition to warning caregivers not to shake a child, you might also ask about how the caregiver:

copes with stress
deals with a crying baby
disciplines a child
Another important way to stop shaken baby syndrome is to report suspected abuse before it can escalate to shaken baby syndrome. If you think a child is being abused, don't hesitate to report it.

Even if you don't think a child is being abused, if a parent or caregiver seems to be under a lot of stress and can't seem to cope with caring for their infant or child, try to get them help.

And don't hesitate to seek care for your child if you think that he or she may have been the victim of shaking baby syndrome. Remember that symptoms might include trouble breathing, seizures, vomiting, loss of consciousness, irritability, bruises, poor feeding and lethargy (sleeping more than usual).

The following national organizations and programs have local chapters in States and communities across the country and can be helpful for parents who need extra help:

AVANCE Family Support and Education Program
Alliance for Children and Families

Child Welfare League of America (CWLA)

Circle of Parents

Family Support America (FSA)

Healthy Families America (HFA)

Meld: Programs to Strengthen Families

National Alliance of Children's Trust and Prevention Funds (ACT)

National Exchange Club Foundation for the Prevention of Child Abuse

National Resource Center for Community-Based Family Resource and Support Programs (FRIENDS)

Parents Anonymous, Inc.

What is child Abuse ??

Child Abuse,

Child abuse is doing something or failing to do something that results in harm to a child or puts a child at risk of harm. Child abuse can be physical, sexual or emotional. Neglect, or not providing for a child's needs, is also a form of abuse.
Most abused children suffer greater emotional than physical damage. An abused child may become depressed. He or she may withdraw, think of suicide or become violent. An older child may use drugs or alcohol, try to run away or abuse others.
Child abuse is a serious problem. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, call the police or your local child welfare agency.


Possible physical indicators of child abuse include:
Forcing a child to touch you is not allowed.
Unusual or excessive itching or pain in the genital or anal area
Torn, stained of bloody underclothes
Unexplained burns, fractures or dislocations and bruises, swelling, lacerations, redness or bleeding in the genital, vaginal or anal area
Blood in urine or stools
Sexual transmitted diseases
Multiple fractures at different stages of healing
Bald patches or bruises on the head
Bruising around the mouth
Malnutrition and eating disorders
Difficulty in walking or sitting

Possible behavioural indicators of child abuse include:
Touching a child where he or she doesn't want to be touched is child abuse.
Age inappropriate play with toys, eg. replication of explicit sexual acts and age inappropriate sexually explicit drawings
Sophisticated or unusual sexual knowledge
Refusal to go home or to the home of a relative or friend for no apparent reason
Bed wetting; withdrawl from peer group activities; deterioration of school work
Drastic changes in the character of the child eg. used to be even tempered and suddenly extremely aggressive

Please note:
Child abuse is hitting or hurting a child - often or to relieve your own frustration.
These indicators do not necessarily prove that a child has been abused. They are merely clues to alert us. If these signs are observed, the child must be questioned in a calm and peaceful atmosphere and manner. The person asking the questions must be calm, rational and be prepared to get possible horrifying answers. Always stay calm and do not show signs of disgust, shock or extreme emotions as this might adversely affect the child’s behaviour. The child victim needs protection, understanding, assurance and support. The child should be encouraged to discuss his or her experience.

Examples of crimes committed against children under the age of 18 are:
Child abuse is not taking proper care of a child, for example, not cleaning, clothing or feeding a child.
Rape
Incest
Indecent assault
Murder
Neglect
Common assault and assault with the physical intention to do grievous bodily harm
Abduction, kidnapping and removal
Crimes regarding the abuse or exploitation of children, under the Preventionof Family Violence Act, Domestic Violence Act, Sexual Offences Act, ChildCare Act and the Films and Publication Act.

Procedure that will be followed if a case of child abuse is reported:
Child abuse is exposing a child to pornographic acts or literature.
The South African Police Service, and in particular the Family Violence, Child Protection and Sexual Offences Units (FCS) are responsible for the investigation of these crimes.
Once any of these crimes are reported to the SAPS, the investigation will, depending on the nature of the specific crime, follow a certain pattern.
The investigation will usually start with the taking of a statement from the person accompanying the child.

The next step will be to interview the child. This will be done by a police member specifically trained for this purpose and can be done at the home of the child or at any other place that will be comfortable for the child. During the investigation, which will follow, circumstantial evidence and other evidence such as fingerprints will be gathered at the crime scene. Statements from possible witnesses will also be taken.

If the child was a victim of a sexual offence, a medical examination should be conducted. This is also the case when the child was physically assaulted and signs of any injuries can be observed. In this case, the external injuries will also be photographed.
The police will then send the completed docket with all the information to the prosecutor. The prosecutor presents the case to court as the lawyer for the victim. The prosecutor will consult the child complainant before the case is heard and refer the child for counseling and therapy.
When cases of crime against children are reported to the SAPS, the reporter must request a case number, the charges that were laid and the name, rank and telephone number of the investigating officer. It is also your right to get feedback on the progress of the investigation.
Depending on the circumstances of the case, the investigating officer can suggest to the prosecutor that bail be denied to the accused. However, the final decision will be made by the presiding officer in court. If bail is granted, specific conditions can be set. These can include that the perpetrator is not allowed to make contact with the victim. If the conditions are not complied with, the investigating officer must be notified immediately.
Facilities are available for the child to testify by means of closed circuit television when necessary.

Prosecutors encourage children to speak out against abuse. It is safe for children to do so.
In 83,5% of all crimes against children reported to the SAPS the perpetrators are known to the child. These criminals are thus not always unknown strangers lurking in the dark but may even be parents, friends, neighbours or other family members.
The crimes are usually committed over weekends and during school holidays when children are usually alone at home. The perpetrators usually make contact with the victims in either the victim, or the perpetrator’s home. In the majority of cases the crime is even committed at the child’s home.